This page is dedicated to all the women who had to endure marriages that only brought sadness ino their lives.
I am one of many women who look back on the days of their youth, with tears in their eyes and a grieving for what could of been and never was.
All our hopes and dreams comes crashing down, so gradual in time we hardly recognize that we are changing.
A young attractive woman, having a zeal for life, feeling capable and competent, suddenly believes she is nothing without her husband.
The stay at home Mom with babies filling her days with chores and child conversation, longs to communicate with adults. Her husband comes home, supper made then dishes done...no talk..not interested..watch T.V. and go to bed.
No wisper..'I love you", just a hand in the night touching you...wanting sex. Again , the silence as he rolls back to sleep, you served well..now shut up, I don't need you anymore.
Days drift by onto years, your wide eyed innocence disapears and is replaced. Void of dreams, trapped with no goals to reach for, you function,... not live.
This husband, never a friend, no one to talk to, always reminding you, you are nothing without him, "I want to come home and relax, leave me alone" You live in the silence of your mind.
The mind games one is not aware of, yet they exisit. "Why can't you cook something different? How about fish for a change?" You want to please and so you prepare a great fish dinner. He's home...you're proud of your accomplishment,looking forward to his response. Walking into the kitchen he observes the meal on the table, "What's this?" He shouts in anger! His voice reflecting disgust. "Why are we having FISH? I hate fish, what was wrong with having what we always eat?"
Oh the mind games continue, year after year until you are not sure of anything anymore.
You ride in the car on the way to visit friends. Looking forward to a pleasant visit, he begins to start an argument, he screams and speaks abusively. You begin to "shut down",. The car comes to a stop, he gets out..all smiles, carefree and oh so loving as he greets your friends. You still are "shut down"..what a contrast, friendly him and silent, upset you. He remarks to your friends...."see what I have to put up with? .."
I lived through it...endured it. I didn't leave until I could with a clear conscience that I wasn't at fault. I tried harder when he blamed me, until I realized I did the best I could.
I left when the emotional abuse threatend to become physical. I left when I cried so hard at night my stomach ached. I feared for my life, but I stayed..believing I couldn't live without him. One day the terror of staying was greater than the fear of leaving.....and so I was gone...free to endure.
I want YOU to get help. Susan Forward ,PH.D wrote a book called "Men Who Hate Women, and The Women Who Love Them" It was reading that book that gave me the understanding of what I was going through.
You are a survivor. Go claim your life. You have the right to be loved, you have the right to be happy. You are ok.