I arrived back home after a week in the hospital.   My surgery was an open reduction and internal fixation of the left femoral neck using Asnis screws.

My beautiful bedroom was changed to resemble the hospital I just left.

My first night home, I slept in my living room in a rented hospital bed, like the pictures above, then  I was moved to my now transformed bedroom. I was now living in "sick bay ".

My waterbed was taken to the storage and replaced with the uncomfortable hospital bed.

My room was a shambles, torn apart, like my life. I had to lie on my back for over three months.

I couldn't sit on anything under 90 degreee, so that left out all my furniture, except one hard chair.

No weight, not even my toe was allowed to touch the floor.  My wrist was injured in the fall. I used a plateform walker to move around.

I literally lifted myself to walk, using only my right hand, remember I was not allowed to use the left side of my body!

The strain to my shoulders was very painful.  My doctor joked, saying I was really getting a workout, developing upper body strength. At the time it wasn't fully realized that I did damage to my shoulders, this pain was much more than "getting a workout".
At night, I would lie in this bed, numb. I was like awake, in a dream.  My surroundings felt " unreal".  I was alone with my thoughts.  Would I ever walk again?  How will I cope?

I missed my life..my room, as I knew it, and my bed.  Who was I? I was not ME anymore.
I hated it, when I needed to go to the bathroom.  It used up so much energy.  Taking 15 steps felt like the long walk to the death chamber, I saw in prison movies. Can you picture yourself using this walker? Your entire body weight being lifted with only one hand?
II grieved over the loss of  my beautiful bathroom.  This was  what became of my toilet.  I couldn't escape the nitemere of my hospital visit, it traveled with me where ever I was!
Bathtime. .what bathing?  Here I sat with a handshower. After getting here with my plateform walker.  I lived my life in a daze.  I needed to rely on survival techniques I was learning day by day.
                                                     Continued on Page 3
Copyright © 2002-2010 Barbara Joan GushinAll Rights Reserved
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I'm Still Changing
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